Miami Vice

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(c) A.J. Malouin 2007
(Ratings: 5 by Caryl and 13 by Al) (In our rating system, “1” is the Best, “31” is the Worst.)
(2006/USA. Directed by Michael Mann.) One of the many reasons we watch movies is to live vicariously through the actions of one or more of the characters. Forgetting the past and thinking only of the movie at hand, however, there was no one in “Miami Vice” through whom Al wanted to live, vicariously or otherwise. Caryl thought “Miami Vice” was a fast-moving, well-paced movie, with lots of good music and lots of thrilling chases. She liked it well-enough as a summer escapist entertainment.

Al, on the other hand, was disappointed. You don’t expect much of a life-altering revelation from watching something callt “Miami Vice.’ Al had expected, however, style, off-shore ocean racing boats, surf, sunshine, and the cheery pastels of the Art Deco section of South Beach.

You know, things he had seen there in real life.

As begets the criminal elements that spawn such stories, however, very little of “Miami Vice” takes place in daylight Miami.

Meetings of the (criminal) minds take place, not under palm trees, but under the yellow flat spotlights of grimy midnight shipyards. The sleek off-shore racers are called “go-fast boats.” (Pleeeeeease!) Colin Farrell, who plays Detective James “Sonny” Crockett, looks more like Jesus than like a super-hip mover and shaker. Jamie Foxx, in his role as Detective Ricardo Tubbs, is also very stylish but, again, the style is grunge.

Our story? FBI agents in Miami are compromised and executed by South American drug lords. Crockett and Tubbs are not at all known by these drug lords (and just Why Is That, we wonder…) and so are temporarily borrowed by the Feds to go under cover. They try to keep their guns in their holsters (if you take our meaning) but it doesn’t work. Tubbs falls into steamy shower stall love with a fellow detective. Crockett commits an even bigger boner, falling in love with the Number Two (or is she Number Three or Four?) Drug Kingpin the moment he sees her. She falls in love with him immediately, also. You might write that it was love at first gun sight…if you were that type of person.

The Chinese actress Li Gong plays Isabella, Crockett’s love interest. Tubbs love interest, Trudy Joplin (uh-huh) is played by Naomie Harris.(1)

Crockett and Tubbs will infiltrate the drug operations by collecting gobs of drugs to transport from South America to Miami, FL. Why such an integrated and high-powered drug operation would turn the transport of “product” over to these unknowns is a mystery, folks. But, of course and however, where would our story be if they didn’t?

Soooooo, there’s the story set-up. All of the usual kinds of things start happening exactly where you’d expect them to start happening.

Yes, Detective Tubbs love interest IS captured by the drug lords, tortured, held hostage, and then blown up. Yes, she is Totally not expected to live but miraculously awakens from her coma to find the angst-ridden Tubbs holding her hand and sitting at the foot of her bed.

Yes, Isabella’s mysteriously deep love for Crockett does cause her to go straight, which in turn causes her to go straight to Cuba. This happens a few hours after the very long noisily metallic climatic gun battle takes place in a midnight shipyard. Crockett immediately drives her to a safe house, and then puts her aboard a Hatteras for Cuba, where “no one can follow you…not even me.” Why this should be impossible is Not Quite Clear, since she herself is headed there in broad daylight, while waving from the deck of a 32-foot Hatteras.

There’s actually not much that’s stylish in “Miami Vice,” and stylish was something for which Al was hoping. There are some stylish shots of Tubbs and Crockett flying through towering white-and-grey clouds in a sleek two-seat jet. There is one Miami interior that meets the sleek stylish minimalist standards that Al was hoping to see throughout the movie. There is also a stunning aerial shot of Brazilian waterfalls, and a huge mansion set in the jungle nearby.

Mostly, however, the style is grunge, not sunshine. Sunshine was the one thing Al expected out of this entire thing.

There is quite a lot of violence in the movie, including the prolonged climatic shipyard gun battle, and two or three (Al lost count) people getting surprised by being shot dead through the forehead at Very close range.

None of the violence seemed to bother the constantly and noisily cooing three-year old girl sitting just to the right and eight rows behind Al when he saw this averagocity in a movie theatre..

On the way out of the movie theatre, however, Al overheard the three-year old remark to her parents that the lack of originality and stopping power in “Miami Vice” were troublesome. (2 hrs 26. Rated R for strong violence, language and some sexual content. With Colin Farrell as Sonny Crockett, Jamie Foxx as Ricardo Tubbs, Li Gong as Isabella [as Gong Li,] Naomie Harris as Trudy Joplin, Barry Shabaka Henley as Castillo, Ciaran Hinds as FBI Agent Fujima, Justin Theroux as Zito, and Luis Tosar as Montoya.)