Lake House, The

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(c) AJMalouin 2006
(Ratings: 17 by Caryl and 19 by Al) (2006/USA. Directed by Alejandro Agresti.) (1 hr 45. Rated PG for some language and a disturbing image.)

Okay, this Thing is just A Puzzlement.

Whoever stumbled through the script writing just didn’t care about explaining Anything to the audience, nor to anyone else.

Inside this mish-mash of a movie, two people [a man & a woman!!!] rent “the lake house,” apparently two years to-the-day apart. They start snail-corresponding because she, the first rentee, wants her mail forwarded by him, the second rentee.

Suddenly [and Inexplicably!!!] both of them are standing there, two years apart, looking at The Lake House’s mailbox. He puts a letter into the mailbox and lifts the red flag. Suddenly, seconds later, the red flag goes down and then up, and then there’s a letter in the mailbox from her.

The camera then cuts to her standing in front of the mailbox, somehow two years earlier, though of course the camera doesn’t clue us in on this time gap. She puts a letter into the mailbox and lifts the red flag. Suddenly, while she’s standing there seconds later, the red flag goes down and then up and then there’s a letter in the mailbox from him.

This shodsloppy movie-making is yet another reason why there’s A Cooling-Off Period before buying a hand gun. Otherwise there would be more in holes in the megaplex screens acrosst America than there are even in this script.

The mailing back and forth goes on and on, without ANY reason as to how or why it could be happening. It’s just sofa-king inexplicable that no one anywhere understands why, how, and/or if this could be happening.

Nor do we care. We just want someone to put a cherry bomb into that mailbox…or to drive down the lane with a baseball bat and whack that mailbox into bejesus so that we doughnut have to watch this inexplicable stupidity for one tick of time longer.

Then, as if this dumbness were not enough, suddenly we get sidebars introduced into the story line, outta nowhere. Turns out that The Mailbox Guy, an architect, has a brother who is an architectural student. Turns out that The Mailbox Guy also has a world-famous grump-wrokaholic father [played by Christopher Plummer] who is teaching in Chicago.

Both these characters pop up outta nowhere, like the teenage pimples who pop up after you’ve eaten something as inexplicable as this script.
The ting is that we are *never* given any reason why these two star-crazed lovers — The Mailbox Guy played by Keanu Reeves and The Mailbox Girl played by Sandra Bullock — are two years apart. Occasionally we are tempted to think it’s because they sooooooo very little chemistry between them that the director thought that two years apart was a good position for their marks.

Mostly, though, we think it is just because the script is Dumb.

Even though these two star-corrupted lovers apparently cannot get together because they are separated by two years— two or three times they *do* get together. The Mailbox Guy apparently just gets into his pickup truck and drives from The Lake House to downtown Chicago. Once there, he is able to interact (sorta) with The Mailbox Girl, even though the two, on most days, are two years out of time with each other.

Maddening, it is.

Sorry, but Caryl & Al both tell us they are out of time about trying figure out how or why this thing was supposed to work.