MOVIE REVIEW: Iron Man 2
© A.J. Malouin 2010
(Rating: 14 by A.J. Malouin.)
(See our side-bar page “How We Rate Movies”)
(2010/USA. Directed by Jon Favreau.)
The thrill is gone.
We wuz hoping against hope to like it better, but “Iron Man 2” disappoints mightily.
First things first. If you are of a Certain Age that is graduating middle school (as a USA ranking thing) this year, you are going to enjoy “Iron Man 2,” probably. This thing was made for us who have sooooo much to look forward to, both in Real Life and the movies.
And? It’s a comic book of a movie, soooooo we shouldn’t be tooooo harsh upon it.
But the thrill that we felt in watching “Iron Man” is gone in “Iron Man 2.”
If one Iron Man weapon makes a great movie, than 30 Iron Man weapons oughta be at least three time better, right? And the U.S. Military wants the rights to the weapons— all of them. Dwight D. Eisenhower warned us about this obsession when he left the White House, although it is not specifically recorded that he said, “Be careful of ‘Iron Man 2.’”
So now we have a villain — and a damn good one — going into competition for building and selling to the U.S. Military an Iron Man weapon. Somehow, Mickey Rourke’s character — resurrected from a totally dead career — joins hands (poetically speaking) to build an Iron Man that can overpower Iron Man.
The O’Rourke character, Ivan, has an unspecified grudge against the Stark family — and instead of assassinating Stark in his sleep (the proper way to go) Ivan attacks Stark during the middle of the Monte Carlo F1 race…thereby destroying many multi-million-dollar racing machines, and their talented drivers, in an unsuccessful attempt to kill Stark.
This Iron-Man-O’Rourke confrontation on the racecourse is a stupid example of not-getting-the-job-done — although when the O’Rourke character’s amazing slinky chains carve off the entire side of a limo, exposing its occupants as so many wide-eyed sardines in a macheted grocery tin, the audience is visually stimulated and satisfied. (The director, knowing this, gives us tooooo much of the macheted grocery tin, to the point where we, the audience, believe that we are being Had.)
And, in “Iron Man 2,” we *are* being had.
Scarlett Johansson’s and Samuel L. Jackson’s characters bumble into the movie with very little rhyme nor reason, as some sort of secret and powerful organization. Their insertion makes No Sense At All — unless you believe that they are there solely for the hype-building of the release of their “Avengers” project which appears in 2012. This project is currently slated to star Iron Man hisself, as well.
Hey, Wait?!?? Is this entire movie a trailer for something else???
Indeed? The movie’s most “exciting’ set piece takes place in a hallway wherein Johansson’s character, while poured into a skin-tight suit, takes care of 19 or so guards standing in her way. (Scarlett Johansson as a bare-handed killing machine?!?? The further decline of Western Civilization!!!)
There are tooooo many (for This reviewer’s money) (and that right, yes, I paid good soft cash to be taken into this movie) set pieces of iron suits battling against Other Iron Suits. It’s all splashy and dizzying, but it is not, however, visually satisfying.
Our multiple-winner of “A.J. Malouin’s Chocolate Oscar Guess Fest” also saw “Iron Man 2” and sent a brief e-mail review which read:
“Iron Man was good. not as good as first one…some boring parts…they took too much time to build the story…and then the end was short with the bad guy only appearing for seconds. dumb but I love what’s his name.”
(We’re guessing she meant Robert Downey, Jr., as Tony Stark.
The thing is, this thing plays thin. The audience is not sure who is the villain that they’re supposed to hate. The pyrotechnics are bright and noisy but so-whatish. The story arc heads off in one direction, doubles back on itself, and then abandons its thread entirely for new threads — with which it repeats the process.
“Iron Man” was a surprisingly witty, entertaining, whiz-bangery of a movie. “Iron Man 2” is a hodgepodgery of mediocrity that puts this reviewer in mind of a statement a former boss of his — shot to death in a California parking lot many years ago now — once quoted in description a very weak chess move played from a very strong position: “Played on the basis of ‘Anything will do.’”
Such is “Iron Man 2.”
(2 hr 04. Rated PG-13 in the USA for Rated PG-13 for sequences of intense sci-fi action and violence, and some language.. In English. With Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark, Don Cheadle as Lt. Col. James ‘Rhodey’ Rhodes / War Machine, Scarlett Johansson as Natalie Rushman / Natasha Romanoff, Gwyneth Paltrow as Pepper Potts, Sam Rockwell as Justin Hammer, Mickey Rourke as Ivan Vanko, Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury, Clark Gregg as Agent Coulson, John Slattery as Howard Stark, Jon Favreau as Happy Hogan, Leslie Bibb as Christine Everhart, and Garry Shandling as Senator Stern.)