FILM REVIEW: Burn After Reading
© A.J. Malouin 2008
(Rating: 8 by The Film Snob)
(See our side-bar page “How Caryl & Al Rate Movies”)
(2008/USA. Directed & written by Joel Coen and Ethan Coen.)
The filmmaking firepower of the Coen Brothers is such that it can assemble an incredible universe of our favorite American stars and wheel them through a diabolically complicated script while each of the stars burns brightly and rewards the audience with glittering showers of their talent.
At the end of the film, however, the audience is left to mutter the same words the Coens themselves might be forgiven for muttering. In the film’s last snippet, in fact, their characters *do* mumble it on The Coen Brothers’ behalf:
CIA SUPERIOR: What did we learn?
CIA OFFICER: Uh…
CIA SUPERIOR: Not to do it again.
[pause]
CIA SUPERIOR: I don’t know what the [F-word] it is we *did*, but…
Fade to black and give audiences everywhere a totally unsatisfied feeling because they cannot walk out of the theatre with anything but nothing.
Our story? Ditzy personal trainer Chad Feldheimer is uncertain what to do when a CD containing personal CIA information falls out of an administer’s gym bag and into Chad’s hands. His colleague Linda Litzke knows exactly what to do, however. Hold the CD for ransom!!! They find and contact the CD’s owner, Osborne Cox. Cox will not pay ransom, but *will* beat the bejesus out of Chad. Undeterred, and on a cosmetic-surgery mission, Linda Litzke then insists that she and Chad sell the CD to the Russian Embassy here in town. Osborne Cox has been booted out of the CIA. His wife is having an affair with U.S. Treasury agent Harry Pfarrer, who has an unnatural interest in wooden flooring and is being tailed by…somebody. Litzke, Pfarrer, and many others are all involved in a nefarious circle of internet dating. Marriages and individuals get hurt in random and sometimes grievous, gunshot, ways. Divorce counseling is given to Cox’s wife by a bulbous croaking attorney. Events go from bad to worse than bad, and the whole mishmash is being watched over by the CIA.
Strangely and talentedly, we have probably written about allllll this here in a much more humorous manner than the one in which it unravels on the screen.
J.K. Simmons, fresh out of being “Juno’s” wonderful father, is wonderful here again as the CIA Superior who says, among many other things, “Report back to me when it makes sense.” (If he truly *means* that, he should be prepared for nooooooo reports whatsoever, because these brilliant little islands of set pieces in this sloppy film NEVER add up to Anything Which Makes Sense.
John Malkovich is classic Malkovich here, his only short-coming as Osborne Cox being that his dialogue cannot get away from using the F-word entirely tooooo much. This is NOT “In Bruges” for heaven’s sake, and without the Irish accent the use of the F-word every seven words (or so!) is not funny and has no impact except for making the audience silently scream into their popcorn box (the Main Source of their amusement during this screening…) “Cut out the Bleeding overbleeding use of the F-Word!!!) It jest ain’t werking for you, Osborne.
Brad Pitt is mostly Fabulous as Chad, the ditzy personal trainer who wants to score a random for the CIA CD, but is “Clueless” without Linda Litzke as to how to do so. The thing is, the script many times gives Chad “normal” things to do and/or say, sooooo that when the episodes of “ditz” raise their glorious Chadian Heads they are not Totally believable, because Chad has been doing almost-normal (from The Film Snob’s point of view, anyway…) motions and dialogues in the meantime.
Frances McDormand is her usual Coens-superb as the co-conspirator driving Feldheimer to dress better for crime, and driven by her financial requirements for cosmetic surgery which of course she doesn’t need. That’s why it’s cosmetic, and who in fact does? Jeffrey DeMunn is supportive as the Cosmetic Surgeon who adds it all up for Linda.
Tilda Swinton is bitchy wonderful as the wife of Cox, lover of Pfarrer, and girl who uses the F-word too much, yet with efficiency.
George Clooney is soooo dazzling lame, psychologically wounded and silly as the U.S. Treasury agent being divorced by his wife and tailed by the CIA that we forget what a truly beautiful man he is!!!
Richard Jenkins, fresh out of a stunning performance in “The Visitor,” stuns us again as the gym manager mooning over Litzke, and unwilling to have the missing CIA CD anywhere on his premises nor personal person.
From what we’ve written here, you’d think we would have liked this film more.
Bottom line, however? Based on their body of work we are *always* willing to cut The Coen Brothers some slack. *That* AND brilliant performances of the material handed to the galaxy of stars recruited for this project saves “Burn After Reading” from being relegated into a ratings mediocrity — or worse!
Nevertheless, this is NOT a satisfying film to watch. It takes the audience nowhere…and Leaves them there.
We have NO net-takeaway from this film. There is no “Aha!” Our stomach doesn’t hurt, the way it hurt after seeing “No Country For Old Men.” We have not cringed in the face of a wood-chipper scene. We have not sympathized with Jerry Lundegaard as he dug himself in deeper, nor felt the cold winter desolation of Fargo. We have not laught, cried, hoorayed! nor empathized with anyone.
In short, “Burn After Reading” has not bitten into us at all, and based on that burn after reading is what should have happened to this script.
Life is toooooo short to take us anywhere which does take us anywhere.
(1 hr 36. Rated “R” in the USA for pervasive language, some sexual content and violence. In English. With George Clooney as Harry Pfarrer, Frances McDormand as Linda Litzke, Brad Pitt as Chad Feldheimer, John Malkovich as Osborne Cox, Tilda Swinton as Katie Cox, Richard Jenkins as Ted Treffon, David Rasche as the CIA Officer, J.K. Simmons as the CIA Superior, Olek Krupa as Krapotkin, Kevin Sussman as a Divorce Lawyer, J.R. Horne as a Divorce Lawyer, Jeffrey DeMunn as the Cosmetic Surgeon, Carmen M. Herlihy as a Prospective Gym Customer, Yury Tsykun as the Senior Russian Embassy Man, and Robert Prescott as the Process Server.)